Today’s Truth: Why mend when you can replace?

 Happiness with  Madhur Bhav

I sometimes feel, this whole, “Practicality” issue, about this young generation, does even exist or are we just judging them on certain parameters and abiding them by it? I guess it’s all about who you are? How you’ve been? And what you want? It’s about choices people make. Choices of being the kind of person you want to be. It’s just not about good or bad. There is so much more to it. We from an exterior front can only term it, like-Self-loving, selfish practical or for that matter anything! But; yes! all of this is extremely thought to provoke, despite all the conjectures that surround it. There is a section of society that has to bear the effect of these changed times and thinking. The one’s who belong to a different era altogether. Ones, who are at the receiving end,

Recently, I had an encounter with a very educated senior. She was absolute, warm and calm. Her name happened to be Anjali, and the moment she heard mine, she exclaimed (in Marathi), अय्या तुम्हीं पण अंजली माँजे पण नाव  Anjali!”  She has a son and  Likes every loving, doting and dutiful mother, she also raised her son to be a qualified, young, ambitious man. Giving him the best of education, providing him with facilities and everything she could do. And as his wings acquired the strength, he flew to reach the sky heights.

And as it happens to many Indian mothers, he took up a job in abroad and decided to never look back to the country. She did visit her son to the states, but with the growing age, travel was taking a toll on her health. She had no option, but to choose a place and so she came back to India. Because, as her eyesight became weaker, she couldn’t help anyone, for that matter not even herself.

After returning, her health suffered from issues and she even developed Alzheimer’s disease (Wherein one forgets things frequently). She then decided to live with us at Madhur have. When she came here, Madhurbhav was just budding in the area of medical and assisted living facility. We tried giving her our best and she loved it here.

She had amazing communication skills, she liked humming songs, and unfortunately she is no more in the state of talking or making conversations. But, when she did, I remember her telling me one day, “if I was healthy enough, my eye sight was better and if I could render some help,  be of some use, my son would have kept me in the US with him, pan at a पण मझा अँधली च्चा काय उपयोग?”  her dear son called his mother-in-law to stay with them, because she was way more healthy and capable of helping them out there.

Aren’t we as kids trying to take advantage of our parents at every point?  Even when the time comes, that needs us to look after them in every possible way. She was not in that worst medical condition, that she couldn’t   be taken care of at home. But her dear son never made any attempt or took efforts to find out, if she can be managed in the US. Near him, with him or may be in assisted living home there in the US. There are certainly better facilities back there.

What hits hard and pains to hear is, This word,काय उपयोग? ” which means, she isn’t useful, she can’t help you in any way

so she isn’t worth being taken care of? Isn’t worth being loved by you? At the stage of life where she is supposed to get the same attention, time, patience that she, her entire life bestowed upon you, you want to find reasons to be with her and taken care of her? Right from uttering words, to walking, to thinking everything, she taught you, held your hand and guided you, without you giving any good reason to her, to do it as a child. And this is what she deserves from you?

We should really find some answers to this, some related to these emotions and not just give it the practical angle and shut it.

There are many cases where children give an excuse while admitting them to Madhurbhav, “we stay on the fourth floor, it’s very difficult for her to move out and in or go out and not every time someone can be around to assist her.”  Like really? Having houses on fourth, fifth or whatever floors is a reason to give up on your parents?

There are also some who openly complain about children at Madhurbhav, about being kept away from them, in one such incident, a senior was raged and started arguing with his daughter. Shockingly, she bluntly said in front of everyone, “we have to work hard to earn, who will look after you and we have our children’s responsibility, their education and everything. You have not left behind a big property for us, that we can look after you and relax.” it’s really sad to know if these people had money, only then they would take care.

Moreover, I think, now a day’s it’s all about escaping conveniently. If replacements are easier than mending, we are all ready to replace lifelong bonds, relations as important as a mother-child relationship. If we don’t see any benefit we immediately replace, but not try to mend it in any way.

There are many such things, almost something in every household. The intensities and issues might differ but; I am happy that we here have created a home and able to provide them with a place, where their dignity of life is secured. Where we don’t need to replace them, we always assure mending for whatever goes wrong. We will never give up on them for any reason. This is their own place and nobody ever asks them to leave, without their will. They can be here in peace and happy until their last breath.