The Fear of being unwanted while alive

Reassurance of Life

                                                                                    

Fear! All of us have a fear of something or the other. The most common thing that all of us fear is ‘Death’.  Young, children, elders, old-aged, all of us .let’s give this a thought. where this feeling of fear is born from? I believe it takes birth from the womb of ‘Expectations’.

Yes! How much ever we try to deny, we all expect, may be at different phases in life, but we do. It’s an inborn quality or a natural human tendency. From a naïve age, we all become a part of this circle, child expects from the parent, then the parent expects from the child,, culture expects us to follow certain traditions as a family,  in turn, family expects something from society etc. it is always existing around us, knowingly or unknowingly. Along with these never ending expectations, follow disappointments. And these are inevitable. But; for a fact, this is what makes us Indian’s very distinct from others. We are always attached, bonded, strongly tied to relations and hence so warm, loving and welcoming.

But, ages have passed, changes are happening. So are the feelings transforming? Presence and dealings of two generations are becoming complicated, yet simple if we try to take a closer look.

It was a normal day at Madhur bhav, in afternoon arrives a tiny eyed old lady with her son. She was taking a round of the premises. I observed her from afar, her eyes were seeking something. She later informed Ms Anuja (our staff member) that she was willing to stay with us.  Madhur bhav is a place that provides shelter with medicated care and all other amenities, facilities to seniors, whose families are away, who have no one to look after  them,  take care of them or whose children have time constraints and do not want them to suffer as they cannot give them enough time and required assistance. Basically, it’s open for all. People come in for various reasons. This lady had a clear decision that she did not want to be lonely and depressed with the family around yet not so around her. Thanks to the changed times, a race of ambition, thoughts and practicality.  She claimed, no one had time to talk to her, cater her little needs on time, so she did not want to be a nagging factor and Instead would be happy with people of her age here.

Mrs Joshi (Name changed) was enjoying her stay at Madhur bhav house. She had engaged herself in various activities along with other seniors. We here, try to keep our members active by engaging them in different tasks like, sewing, plantations, supervisions etc. this gives them a sense of meaningful living which is very important. Suddenly one day she fell ill, tough it was a normal fever, when I visited her, I was surprised! I saw a different lady altogether; Disappointed and nervous. I asked one of the staff members, what was it about and they informed no one had visited her from the family, which left her completely disheartened. I went to her, with dread in her eyes, she looked up to me and asked, “Will I be alright again? What if I die? I am scared.” I hugged her and assured that she is going to be perfectly fine. I informed,”Aaji the doctor who diagnosed you said you are so fit and healthy that you will live for another 10/20 years.”  She smiled and started murmuring a song, “Tujhya angaanat shevat che gaaney majhe.”  Tears rolling down her cheeks she said, “More than any medicines, this loving touch and few minutes you spend talking to me,  makes me feel better, I will not leave you and go anywhere.”

 There I thought to myself, she raised her kids so well, they are living a fulfilled, healthy and happy life. She has done all she could in her life, yet why is she fearing Death?  And her words echoed in my ears again, and I found my answer, the fear wasn’t about death, it was about not being wanted and accepted, while she was alive. The feeling she went through when her kids, her very own family did not visit her when she was ill, and she EXPECTED a little care, love and affection from them.

Since then I decided, we will try to make our members fearless of this feeling by always being there by them, may what come. Until they start believing that death won’t be an end, it will be a new beginning to their life.  

Feel free to visit Madhur bhav and spread happiness.

Content Credits: Mayuri.Ambekar